Getting My Ex-Girlfriend Back: What Can I Do?
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A couple months ago I found myself asking "What can I do to get my ex-girlfriend back?" How did this come about? I remember I had opened a letter from my girlfriend. I had a bad feeling wash over me. My fears were confirmed. This was the beginning of my waking every morning asking myself, "What can I do to get my ex-girlfriend back?"

My Ex-girlfriend sends a "Dear John" letter

It was what had traditionally been called a Dear John Letter. It began: "Dear Ted, You know that I love you, but I am not in love with you. I don't want to hurt you, but I think it's time we saw other people." I was in denial. Was my girlfriend now my ex-girlfriend? And so she left. How was I to get her back? My first impulse was to call her and straighten out the misunderstanding.

You see, I was in denial. I could not believe this was happening. It was a big mistake and I would clear it up. But then I stopped. I hung up the phone. I decided not to call her. Give it some time and let's see if she confirms what she said. Should I starve her out?
And now I wavered. I was torn between two maxims: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "Out of sight, out of mind." Which was true? Or were both true under different circumstances?

I felt I could not try out both of these strategies at once, but I could start by freezing her out. And so I waited and waited. And I was growing more and more miserable as time passed.

Negatives will not get my Ex-girlfriend Back

Pretty soon she called and I thought that she was coming around and that she had seen the error of her ways. Nothing! She just wanted to know if I had received her letter and if it was clear to me. I mumbled something and then she was gone.

I was in a black mood. Choices,
mostly negative, swam in my mind. Get drunk and stay drunk. Blast her verbally. Follow her. Resort to violence. When this happens, I recommend stepping way back.

Now is the time to share your loss with a friend. No matter what the friend says, barring the negatives listed above, it will help you just to adopt a different point of view. If you have several friends, select the one who usually differs from you. You don't want a mirror image of yourself. You see, the idea is to break up your thought patterns so that you can gain a new perspective.

Some say that religion is comforting in times of loss. There are two ways you can approach this. You can return to a comfort zone that religion provided you in the past, or you could try out a new religion. The object is to deal with loss.

You will want to do this without heaping guilt on yourself. You will want to avoid depression and feeling sorry for yourself. William James says that there is the religion of the healthy minded and religion of the sick minded. Choose the healthy minded.

A New Perspective on getting my Ex-girlfriend Back

Next, I would recommend taking up some discipline such as Yoga. It will make you feel better physically and mentally and it will help shift your attention. Do this whether you feel like doing it or not. If you want something more active, try running. Set goals.

After a couple of months, If you see her, by chance or by design, you will have a reservoir of strength built up both mentally and physically and you will probably be more spontaneous and less needy. This may turn things around as she discovers new aspects of you. And if not, you have your new found strength that you can build on and which will support you in new relationships.

By implementing my suggestions, a win-win situation grew more possible every day by positively trying to get my ex-girlfriend back.